There is an awkward silence between the reporter and Melanie who is standing in front of the open sauna door dressed in a towel.


Then . . . they start talking. During the conversation (below) the reporter tries not to be self-conscious about his naked state or the occasional attempts being made by Angela to open the door to the therapy room behind him.


Melanie                        You’re staring


Reporter                       Sorry.


Melanie                        It happens to me all the time


ENTER L Shirley and Betty who cross R talking to one another.


Reporter                       Really?


Melanie                        Yes! It does. As soon as people realise who I am.


Reporter                       Who you are? Oh! of course. Yes, I see. You are . . .


Melanie                        (conspiratorially) Shhh


Reporter                       (conspiratorially) Oh I do understand. It’s so difficult for people like us. Keeping a low profile. Avoiding the press.



Pat ENTERS L with the new extension leads. She picks up the deck chair, and electric fires (two journeys?) and EXITS into the therapy room – and in order to do so, she pushes the ironing board out of the way and in front of the changing room - this reveals the reporter’s naked legs (beneath the towel draped over the ironing board) as he moves to keep behind it, letting go of the therapy room door. The reporter continues his nonchalant conversation with Melanie whilst trying to open the changing room door to get his clothes. But it has been locked from the inside by Joan.


Reporter                       It’s the same everywhere these days. You can’t trust anyone.


Melanie                        No


Reporter                       ‘Heat Magazine’ have got people everywhere.


Melanie                        I know, It’s the same with ‘Hello’



ENTER R a small group of ‘new patients’ who move downstage R in a huddle talking.



Pat ENTERS from the therapy room.


Pat                                          (To Angela – who is still inside the therapy room). Sorry Angela. Best stay put while I finish swapping everything over.


Pat starts to move the ironing board into the sauna (the door is still open).






Melanie steps behind the board to get out of the way. At the same time, the reporter is edging towards the sauna to keep from being exposed.






The reporter and Melanie are now both behind the board in front of the changing room. Pat moves to the other end of the board to pull it into the Sauna. Just as the board is about to disappear into the sauna revealing the reporter’s nakedness, the reporter grabs Melanie’s towel and pulls.




Melanie spins round as it unwinds leaving them both behind the towel, closely facing each other. Pat and the ironing board are now in the sauna leaving these two and their towel. The audience can see them both from the shoulders up and knees down – the towel hides the rest. They both look down and, realising they are both naked, they give a startled cry and immediately turn.




They are now facing in opposite directions, each holding one end of the towel.






The reporter and Melanie start fighting over the towel (ad lib dialogue). Meanwhile, a ‘time-lapse therapy’ group start coming across the stage from L led by Joanna. Their attention is on Melanie and the reporter. ENTER R Iris who, as always, is towing her cart with Loopy Lou riding inside a little way behind. She heads stage L towards the time-lapse therapy group. Melanie gets a good grip on the towel and goes for a winning tug. The reporter realises he is about to be exposed.






Just in time, he picks up Loopy Lou from the cart . . . 





. . . and clutches the doll to his middle – her arms and legs wrapped around him.



ENTER Angela from the therapy room. Everyone is looking at the reporter with the doll.


Angela                                    So, now we know why you ran out on me. You were holding out for the doll!