Copyright © 2005-2006 Wortley

Musical number 3

Sod’s Law

Duet for Pat and Valerie

Valerie and Pat lament life, acting out mini-stories to illustrate the point.

Verse 1

Valerie                (spoken)

It's like when I'm trying to relax. Sometimes I get so wound up even Classic FM  isn't relaxing enough. That's when I fantasise about taking a bath . . . the ultimate most luxurious bath.

(spoken)

Pat Ooh yes! Describe it to me.  What's the bath like?

Valerie (sung)

The bath? It's sunk beneath the floor.

Pat (sung)

                             Scented candles?

Valerie (spoken)

Oh yes.

(sung)

By the score.

Pat (spoken)

And in the bath?

Valerie (sung)

Essential oils.

Pat (spoken)

Wow!

Valerie (sung)

By Dior.

Pat (sung)

Oh Yes!

Valerie (sung)

                             Wait a minute, what was that?

Bing Bong

Bloody Avon at the door

Chorus – all sung

Both                     That's sod's law.

That's sod's law.                      

Valerie                If something can go wrong.

Pat                       Then something will go wrong.

Valerie                The story of my life don't you agree?

Both                     That's sod's law.

That's sod's law.                      

Valerie                When the toasts slips from your hands

Ten to one it  lands

Flat on it's face Just like me.

The tunnel's black as coal but then I see the light.

God has sent a high speed train to run me over just for spite.

Pat                       Just around the bend lies opportunity for some.

Valerie                For me there lurks a hammer that is destined for my thumb.

Both                     Ouch!

Verse 2

Valerie (spoken)

                            Let me set the scene. I’m cooking. A very special meal for that very special new man in my life. Mexican Shepherd’s Pie - that’s shepherd’s pie with extra chilli.  (She mimes adding chilli to the dish, sucking fingers and wincing)

Pat                       (spoken)

Right. So where are you now?

Valerie (sung)

In the kitchen?

Pat                       (spoken)

And how’s it all going?

Valerie (sung)

I'll get by.

 (sung)

Pat                       (spoken)

And the meal?

Valerie (sung)

Without a hitch.

He loves the pie

Pat                       (spoken)

Then later, in his arms?

Valerie (sung)

I get an itch

Pat (sung)

                             Where?

Valerie (sung)

In my eye

Pat                       No!

Valerie                Yes!

                             It couldn’t have been worse.

(spoken)

Don't go  there

                             (sung)

Yes, life’s a bitch and then you die.

Repeat Chorus (except Pat sings ‘Ten to one it lands’)

Both                     That's sod's law.

That's sod's law.                      

Valerie                It's an immoderate law,

Pat                       A shoddy law,

Valerie                An odd little law

Pat                       A God awful law

Valerie                A look what I trod in law.

Both                     It's sod's law!